It’s been a while since I last wrote. I think I’ve certainly been on a journey through life and work the last two years, both mentally and physically, and I wanted to write a sort of update on where I’ve been, what I’m up to, and what I hope to do in the future.
Remember that post where I moved out? Well, after a few months I moved back in with my parents. There were quite a few reasons, but I think the main one was I didn’t move out for the right reasons. There was a lot going on in my workplace at the time, and my mental health suffered a lot from it. In the end, I was glad I moved back, and in time I moved jobs and felt better.
I admit, I did have a time where the anxiety took a turn for the worse, and there were days where every little thing made me burst into tears. It was awful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so bad. I did indeed go to the GP and they put me on some anti-depressants. I remember walking back home (I couldn’t drive because my muscles were so tense, I had backache and numb legs and feet), and I just sobbed the whole way back, feeling like I was a failure for being on the tablets, for feeling like I was unable to cope, and in some ways I still get frustrated with myself that I got to that point.
Fast-forward two years and I’ve managed to take myself off the tablets (slowly), and also spoke a lot with a therapist over 6-12 months. I’ve worked at a few jobs since then, and am now working in West Sussex on the coast. I live in Horsham (so I did indeed move out again from my parents after about 12-18 months), and actually my parents themselves have recently moved to Devon (wow, am I feeling the emotions from that move – I’m such a homebody).
About 6-8 months ago I started experiencing Psoriasis – though I didn’t know it at the time. It was diagnosed back in May/June, and all the GP said was ‘it can’t be cured, but we can give you a steroid cream’. I was like… no thank you! So began the research, and also thanks to chatting with a colleague at work, I tried gluten free. I’m also a bit lactose intolerant, so have become dairy free alongside. Now, that’s fun!
Being a creative though means I’ve been experimenting. I’ve also discovered I should avoid the following (both for Psoriasis and because my body doesn’t like it):
- Red meat
Now, ‘avoid’ doesn’t mean cut out completely, so I can very, very occasionally have a burger and chips, but considering a lot of meals consist of either potato or tomato (or both sometimes), as well as something akin to dairy or with gluten, that has certainly been fun!
It is working, slowly, as the patches have started to disappear. Although stress makes it worse, as does too much sugar. I’ve been feeling very unsettled recently, possibly in part to my family moving quite a ways away, and just on the whole feeling that everyone is ahead of me. Being 32, single, and renting, and watching all your friends get married and own homes does make these things worse in your head, doesn’t it?
But. And there is a but. Life happens as it is meant to happen. We all have our roads to take, wherever they may take us, and we all have decisions to make, for better or worse as it were.
So, I’m going back to what I love. Writing. I’m trying to write and edit my novels, but also write here. Because I love researching and sharing and writing things, and if someone finds it valuable in some small way, I’m glad. Because that’s what we all need to do. We are all sharing this life, and by working together, and sharing together, we can accomplish anything.
Thanks for listening/reading.
Kate @ Kandid Chronicles