I’ve been feeling all sorts of feelings recently. Fed-up. Bored. Despondent. It’s all because of the third lockdown here in the UK, and I said to my sister today that I’d give anything just to go to the shops. To a bookshop. To drink bubble tea, or even a cup of tea and a slice of cake in a cafe. I miss that. Meeting friends for tea and cake, or going out for meals. I know it’ll happen again, but really I think this lockdown has been making me miss a lot. The first lockdown we all thought that would be it, we’d be ok. The second lockdown I had some major mental health issues. The third lockdown I’m way better, but I’m still feeling how I’m feeling even with the light staring at me from the end of the tunnel.

My family have all had their first vaccine jab – except me of course, I’ll likely have to wait until May for mine. So there’s that. I’m happy for them, and happy that at least if I got the virus they would have some immunity, but I’m scared for myself too. Does that make me a bad person? Worried both for my family and myself? I don’t know. But I know how I’m feeling, and my poem this week is all about those emotions. It doesn’t rhyme, as it’s merely just talking about my feelings. I hope you like it.

I am Despondent

Despondent, disillusioned
Drowning in this depth of despair
No. Honestly it’s just a feeling
It’ll pass like all the others

Just like this will pass
This timeframe, this day
Every moment whisked away
Parting the minute it’s spoken

I feel for words unspoken
Unwritten, notes on an empty page
I sense that a feeling can be written
Purposefully if needed, intent and alive

But I feel I cannot write
I see only a blank unfathomable page
A well, empty of words to begin
All I feel is an empty waste

Today is just another day
Living in a ceaseless rumble
Of lost dreams and empty promises
I sense them all struggling to breathe

Can you taste it, see it
The light appearing down this tunnel
A day must arrive now, can it be
That we’ll wake to a new dawn

I cannot see when or where
Why I ask so much for that day
That moment when we can breathe again
That day when we finally arrive.